Gone
by Syncop8ed Rhythm
Summary: He had somehow managed to handle the first two Yin/Yang cases and come out relatively unscathed. She should have realized it would be the third showdown that took him away from her. She couldn't accept that he was gone forever. She wouldn't accept it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Psych.

AN: Read the whole chapter before you get angry at me...

* * *

It was fitting, really, that the sky was crying. She watched the raindrops fall, splashing into the puddles; listened to it hit the roof of her car while she sat, silent, staring.

He was gone.

The idiot had believed nothing could touch him. But something had, and now he was gone. Never coming back. Leaving her here, alone, lost.

He had somehow managed to handle the first Yin/Yang case, the second one he had scraped through, and the third…Who knew the third one would take him away from her forever?

She followed the path of one of the raindrops as it fell down her window, transfixed. It was calming, in a way. It numbed her, slowed her racing thoughts. She blinked, shaking her head to break herself from her stupor.

The idiot! The stupid, brave, _moron._ If she could, she would kill him right now for putting her through this. How dare he! How dare he leave her like this! It wasn't fair. Her head fell to the steering wheel, exhausted. _Why, Shawn? Why did you leave me?_ The police had received the ultimatum: turn over Shawn or suffer a murder spree. And what did Shawn do? He had lost his protective detail and sacrificed himself. She hadn't expected Yin to beat him so badly. She had assumed his game would be purely psychological, but she was wrong, and each bruise she saw cut her like a knife.

So much had happened while Yin had held Shawn captive. More than the physical things she saw…She couldn't imagine undergoing the mental torture he had gone through. When she saw him, saw his eyes, they were so different. Not full of life, not twinkling in mischief, but flat…broken. His eyes had rested on her, and they were like a stranger's eyes.

When the police had finally found where he was being held and rushed the building, Yin was using him as a shield, his gun held against Shawn's head in warning. And Shawn didn't even seem to care. They pushed the boundary, her and the other officers. She had no clear shot, no way to get Shawn free from the monster.

And then the shot rang out.

And Yin fell to the floor, dead.

Lassiter had a coolly smug look, and she knew it was him who had taken the shot. She rushed to Shawn, enveloping him in a gentle, but fierce embrace, which he returned, almost in desperation. It was too short, though. After only a few seconds, his arms fell to the side, and she pulled back confused. He looked at her, running his fingers across her face, down her nose, tracing her features and looking at her like he was memorizing everything about her.

"Shawn!" Henry and Gus ran into the room, their yells mixing together, concern and relief clear in their faces and the tone of their voices. They rushed to him, enveloping him in their own embraces, and Juliet had seen tears running unashamedly down Gus' face.

Juliet stepped back from the group, watching Shawn. Something was wrong, something beyond the obvious. Shawn pulled away from the two of them, eyes roving over both his father's face and Gus' in the same way he had studied Juliet.

Lassiter stepped up, offering some sort of comment that Juliet hadn't heard. The old Shawn, the one she knew from before this incident, might have cracked a smile and said some sort of smart comment. This Shawn held his hand out for Lassiter to shake. Lassiter looked taken aback, but grasped his hand.

He had left the next day. Without saying goodbye...without saying he loved her one last time. He had left her.

It was a week later and Juliet knew she couldn't handle it. At first, she thought he would only be gone a few days. She had called his cell-phone and left a short message, saying she would be waiting for him when he returned, that she understood his need to escape. He hadn't called her back, or returned Gus or Henry's calls.

It was during their processing of the scene that they came across the camera, and it showed every moment of Shawn's torment and every single word that Yin said. She knew why he left now. Yin had used her, Gus, Henry, and Lassiter against him. Yin had told him he didn't deserve them, that he was nothing. When that didn't completely break him, Yin had turned to saying Shawn was going to kill them with his actions; that he was too careless, too self-absorbed, and it would get one of them killed. There was more; comment after comment that said Shawn had a target on his back because of his brilliance and that each person he got close to would be in danger. Insult after insult, dig after dig, wearing at Shawn until he couldn't take any more.

Watching that tape had been one of the hardest things she had ever done.

Juliet had a horrible feeling that Shawn wasn't planning on coming back. That he had left for good. Deep, deep down, she knew he wasn't coming back.

She sighed, looking at her phone that lay on the dashboard, thinking. Just because she had that awful feeling he would never return, it didn't mean she had to accept it without a fight. She grabbed her phone and dialed his number before she could think twice. It went straight to voicemail, which she expected. It had gone straight to voicemail when she had called him that first time. She wasn't even sure he still had his phone, but if he did, then he would keep it turned off so they couldn't trace it.

"Shawn…it's me. I…" She sighed, not even sure what to say. "I hope you're okay…no, I, uh, I know you're not. I wish you were here. I want to help. And…I need to see you; I miss you." She closed her eyes as she continued, trying unsuccessfully to block the images that her next comments brought up. "Shawn, I saw the, the tape. He wasn't telling the truth. Please, please come home. And if you're not ready for that yet, at least give me a call and let me know you're still alive. Please, Shawn. I love you."

She snapped the phone closed and continued to look out the window, watching the rain.

Maybe it was raining wherever Shawn was, too.

* * *

AN: I've got more planned for this story, if anyone's interested. Let me know what you thought!


	2. Chapter 2

She had waited for him to call for eight days. _Eight_. Now she angry. He had been gone for two weeks. She understood needing to get away for awhile, she really did, but he hadn't called anyone back. He was leaving them hanging; they had no idea if he was okay, or where he was at.

Juliet was sitting in her car, glaring at her phone, just daring it to ring. Her fingers tapped the steering wheel in irritation as she struggled to control her temper. It wasn't working. She grabbed her phone and dialed the number, her fingers furiously pounding at the keys. It went straight to voicemail.

"Shawn! What the heck is your problem? What? You couldn't just call us to tell us, 'Hey, I'm still alive. No, I haven't gotten into an accident' or 'No, of course I haven't been kidnapped by another psychopathic killer?'" She took several deep breaths, but it was no use. She was so angry, her hands were shaking.

"Do you have any idea how _selfish _you are being? I mean, Shawn," and here she quoted almost exactly what Shawn had told her after the clock-tower incident, "Yin didn't just target you. He targeted me, too."

And she hung up and threw the phone onto the seat beside her. She gripped the steering wheel again, her knuckles white with the force of her grip. She stared out the window, feeling her face suddenly start to burn as her actions sunk in. What had she done? She had just…she had just _yelled_ at him! After everything he had been through! _ Don't worry Shawn; I'll be here whenever you're ready to come back. _Yeah, she proved that point by yelling at him. What was she thinking?

She grabbed her cell-phone and quickly re-dialed the number.

"Shawn, Shawn, I am so sorry. I didn't mean…" She rubbed her forehead, eyes closed in frustration. "I just…I'm worried. It's not…It's probably not the best thing, for you to be…off on your own. It's just, when you have us: Gus, your father, Lassiter, me…We are all here for you. We are waiting for you. And I will…" She chuckled, a sudden thought hitting her. "You know, I don't even know if you're getting these messages. I could be talking to a machine for absolutely no reason. For all I know, you've tossed your cell into the first river you crossed. And no, that's…that's not why I laughed.

"It's just…you ran. You ran to get away from me, from all of us…And I'm not going to let that happen. I will not let you leave me…not like this. I'm going to remind you, of everything you're leaving behind. And I really, really hope that you still have your phone, otherwise this would just be…weird. But I'm still going to do it, until you come back. And I don't care if you get sick and tired of me, of hearing my voice. I'm not going to stop." A smile curved her lips, "And gee, I'm just a little rusty on my 80's references. I'd hate to slaughter them…I mean, I might not even know I've gotten them wrong."

She was still chuckling when she ended the call.

* * *

AN: Thanks for leaving some great reviews! I always love reading what you guys thought!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you for your wonderful comments!

* * *

Juliet hurried from the station, moving quickly to her car. She had a plan she had to put in motion. She pulled her door closed behind her, put the phone up on the dashboard, and moved her seat back as far as possible. She didn't know why she was making every call to him in her car. She had a feeling it had something to do with being prepared. If her wish came true and Shawn answered the phone, she could be on her way to meet him. It was a connection, of sorts. Or maybe she just felt secure in her car; there was no one around to hear her efforts at bringing Shawn home. She made herself comfortable and dialed his number.

"Hey, Shawn." She cleared her throat, suddenly nervous, forgetting what she wanted to say to him. She shook her head, irritated with herself. She had been planning this phone call all day! She took a deep breath to calm herself, and began. "I can't even begin to tell you how boring it was today. We didn't have any new cases, so we went through some cold cases...and didn't find anything new. Do I even need to tell you how frustrated Carlton was? And it felt so much more monotonous because you never came in. Whenever we've had a slow day or been really frustrated, you always manage to pop in at just the right time, providing the distraction that we need. I really missed that today. The whole station is just so quiet without you. I think even Carlton would agree. Seriously! He said something today…" She shook her head, a smile playing at the corner of her lips, "Shawn, it would have made your day. He set himself up perfectly for an insult and…it never came. He was…disappointed; he looked around for a moment, like he had expected you to jump out from behind him to make fun of him and was confused you hadn't shown up yet."

There was silence, which just reminded her all the more that this conversation was one sided. That she was having a conversation with an answering machine.

"I saw Gus today. We've gone out to lunch a few times. He told me his pharmaceutical job is going well, that he's pretty much become the role model at the office. He's in early, out late, finishes his routes on time…He hates it. He told me if another person mentioned how much they admired his dedication to the job, he was going to switch their desk drawers around." She could imagine Shawn raising his eyebrows at that comment, shaking his head in disappointment. "I know. He needs to do something much more original. I think he just really needs to bounce some ideas off of you. What about gluing the caps of their pens on? Or…_ooh_, maybe set up a fake crime scene in their office space? I could totally spring for the police tape!"

She laughed, the sound slowly melting away until there was silence again.

"I really miss you, Shawn. I hope you're okay…I love you."

This was her plan; making him a part of her day, making her a part of his day. She needed this connection to him, and she was sure he needed this connection to her. She wasn't able to just…wait for him to come home. She couldn't just call him once, telling him to come home, and hope eventually he would listen. She needed to show him how much he was missed and how much he was missing.

She called him every day. Sometimes she had humorous stories from her day to tell him; other times, if it was a hard day, she vented her emotions. There were even times where she really had nothing to tell him. She just called, talking when she felt like it and silent when she didn't. When she _was _silent, she pictured him sitting beside her, imagined them sitting in companionable silence. She always ended the phone call with some variation of the same three sentences. "I miss you, Shawn. I hope you're okay. I love you." Eventually, she began telling him which smoothie shop she would be frequenting, because she made that a part of her tradition, too. Call Shawn, get a pineapple smoothie, and go home.

A few weeks into this tradition, she told him about one of the cases they had been working on.

"I am telling you, Shawn; this guy left a perfect crime scene. We know he did it, but we just can't find the evidence we need to place him at the scene. Tomorrow we're going to go back to the crime scene, see if we missed something, but…It just makes me so _angry_ that this guy could get away because I can't find that one link that will tie him to the crime!" She let out a frustrated sigh as she stared out the window. "I don't know what to do, Shawn. I can't find the evidence that we need."

She imagined him telling her not to worry, that something would come up, his gaze confident and reassuring. She hung up not too long after that, the pain of his absence hitting her especially hard. She missed the way his eyes would sparkle as he solved a case, as he flirted with her, as he planned a joke on Lassiter. She missed the time they always spent together at the end of the day. After Gus left to go home, it was just her and Shawn, sometimes at the office, sometimes at her place or his, sometimes just walking on the beach. His absence gave her physical pain. Her chest was aching now, just remembering his hand in hers, or the way he stared into her eyes as if he could read her soul.

Without him, she was lost.

…

The next day, when Juliet and Lassiter arrived at the crime-scene, they really didn't expect to find anything. This would be the third time they combed the room for evidence. They had to do it though. There was always that slim hope that they could possibly find something. They moved into the living room, pausing when they noticed the corner of the floor rug flipped up.

"That wasn't like that when we left…" Juliet said slowly.

Lassiter shook his head, bending down to get a closer look at the floor. This crime scene hadn't been released yet; no one was allowed in. Then how…?

"O'Hara, what does that look like to you?" Lassiter pointed to a small drop on the floor boards. Juliet knelt beside him to get a closer look.

"That looks like…blood." It was just the smallest, tiniest droplet, but Lassiter was giving her a smile. He stood up, pacing the room as he talked it out.

"Kein was careful, but when he was struggling with the murder vic, his earring was pulled out. You were the one who noticed his ear looked irritated; he probably didn't even notice it had bled. He just found the earring and put it back in. He re-straightened the room, missing that small drop of DNA he left behind!"

"But Carlton, we don't even know if it's his!"

"It is," he assured her. "It is."

He was right. That small drop of blood belonged to Kein, and Lassiter was good enough to get a full confession from the man during the next interrogation.

_But what are the odds that would happen? _She couldn't help wondering why the rug was flipped up, who had done it...

"It was so strange, Shawn. No one's been in that house; we haven't released it back to the family yet! And Lassiter and I both know we didn't leave that rug like that. It was just…weird. It gave us exactly what we needed to arrest Kein. I'm not complaining, mind you…And no offense, but I could kiss whoever it was that flipped that rug up."

She paused, a sudden thought occurring to her…No, impossible. She shook it off and continued, a mischievous smile curving her lips. He was going to _hate _this. "You know, Kein kind of looked like David Newton from _An __American Werewolf in Europe_….or was it London? What was that movie again? Oh well, it was an awful movie, at any rate."

She laughed silently, easily able to imagine his exaggerated outrage at her comment. She said her goodbyes and hung up the phone. She knew just how badly it bothered him when someone slaughtered an 80's reference; he always wanted to fix it, to point out the other person's mistake. Her grin turned even more mischievous. She wondered how long he would be able to last and keep his silence now.

* * *

AN: How fortuitous, that the rug was just...flipped up for no reason. And for those of you wondering, it's David Naughton from _An __American Werewolf in London. _:)


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thank you for the wonderful reviews. My apologies it took so long to update. :) So good news and bad news. Bad first? It's a short chapter. The good? I've got the next one pretty much written out.

* * *

Juliet glared at the clear sky, her mood no match for the beautiful day. She slammed her car door and settled into the seat with a sigh. It had been a week since the Kein case had been mysteriously solved, and she had been so sure…A part of her, a very small part, had been unable to get rid of the hope that Shawn had been the one to find that evidence. She had dismissed the thought as soon as she had had it, but she wasn't quick enough; she had started to hope. But with each of the days that had passed that week, that small spark of anticipation was slowly destroyed, leaving her even more hurt than she had been when Shawn had first left. She had let herself hope that he had returned, and he hadn't.

That loss of hope, combined with a growing realization of this strange situation, left her upset…and scared. Because talking to him-no, talking to his cell phone-was oddly comparable to talking to someone's gravestone. She didn't like that image, didn't like that comparison.

"Shawn…this is killing me." The tears were clogging her throat, leaving her breathless. "Every day that you are gone, a part of me dies. I thought you were back and I felt this…hope. And it's been a week and you're still not here…And I think it's worse. Because I had that small taste of hope, that expectation that you would return and sweep me into your arms, and you never came." The last words came out high and breathless, as she felt herself finally give in to the tears and sob. "Shawn, please…please I need you." She let her head slump to the steering wheel as the tears poured down her face.

The door was opening and he pulled her into his arms, wiping the tears away. He was apologizing and whispering comforting words, his hands digging through her hair. She buried her face in his neck, a sigh of contentment and relief escaping from her lips. He smelled like pineapple and fresh air; a strange combination that belonged only to him. She closed her eyes, soaking in his scent and the feel of his arms around her…

The sound of a car honking its horn tore her forcibly from her daydream, her head lifting from the steering wheel with a gasp. Her shoulders slumped with weariness; there was no way to describe how much she wished that dream would come true.

She wiped the tears from her face and cleared her throat, getting rid of the evidence that she had been crying. At least she had broken down _before_ she called Shawn. She grabbed the phone, hesitating before she dialed the number, making sure she was ready. He didn't need to know how upset she had been.

"Hey, Shawn." She spoke lightly, forcing herself to continue the routine. She told him about her day, about another dull, boring case she and Carlton had worked on. Why did it seem that all of the exciting cases disappeared when Shawn did? "We solved that one in an hour; found all of the evidence in the secretary's desk." This wasn't right. No matter how happy she tried to sound, it still came out flat. She covered the phone and cleared her throat again. She had to hang up. She wouldn't be able to keep up the charade well enough to fool him. "Anyways, I think I'll grab a pineapple smoothie from that place on Jefferson. Sammy's Smoothies? I think that's my favorite place to go. But, I…well…I really miss you. Love you." And she hung up.

* * *

AN: Did I get you with the daydream? :) I absolutely _love_ hearing what you all think. Your comments truly make my day!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I dedicate this chapter to everyone who read this story and enjoyed it; especially to those who have left and will leave me a review. Writing these stories wouldn't be half as fun if no one else enjoyed them! Thank you!

* * *

It figured, that after the awful day she'd had, the smoothie shop would be closed. She glared at the sign saying the shop would be closed at five before checking her watch.

"It is 4:59! Not 5:00! You shouldn't be closed yet!" She ducked her head to see into the building better, face pressed against the glass as she squinted. When she didn't spy anyone inside, she let her forehead hit the window with a clunk. Of course. Of course she couldn't even get a pineapple pick-me-up when she needed one.

"Looks like someone really needed a smoothie today."

"You have no idea," She answered absently, her mind too busy trying to work past her disappointment to pay any attention to random strangers walking by on the sidewalk. She blinked the tears back, wondering how ridiculous it would be if she started crying again. It was just a smoothie, after all.

But that _wasn't_ all. She was tired, depressed, frustrated, angry, and heart-broken. And she couldn't get her dang smoothie!

"May I suggest the Smoothie Shoppe on Maine Street? They have a passable pineapple smoothie. Not awesome, but not awful."

Juliet froze. That wasn't just a random stranger talking to her. And this wasn't a daydream. Slowly, she turned away from the window, her eyes falling on the one person she had wanted to see, _needed_ to see.

He was staring at her, his eyes roving her face, studying her hungrily.

She couldn't move; she was too shocked. He was standing right in front of her; the bruises were gone, and his eyes…well, they were wary, like he wasn't sure how she would react to seeing him, but they were so much better than the last time she had seen him. They sparkled again.

With something that could have been classified as a squeak, she flew across the distance separating them and threw herself into his arms. He staggered back a step when they collided, his arms wrapping around her securely. She buried her face in his neck, something inside of her relaxing when she heard him chuckle and smelled that wonderful scent she had imagined earlier.

"Shawn! Shawn, I missed you so much!" She whispered, wrapping her arms around him even tighter.

"I know. I missed you too, Jules."

They were silent, reveling in the knowledge that they were in each other's arms. After a few moments he pulled back, much to Juliet's disappointment, though he kept one hand on her back. The other moved to cup her cheek.

"You saved me, Jules."

He stared deeply into her eyes, completely serious.

"If it hadn't been for you, I would have…been lost. You saved me. I wanted to run, I _did _run, I just couldn't…" His jaw worked furiously as he tried to control his emotions, as he searched for the words he wanted to say. "What Yin said, it made sense; and it's very hard not to believe it. In some ways, I still do."

Juliet shook her head vigorously, opening her mouth to convince him Yin had lied, but Shawn put a finger on her lips, halting the words she would have said.

"But you…you didn't let me go. You made me see what I was missing, you kept me _involved_. With every phone-call, you showed me the truth, you kept me connected. I didn't want to listen to you. I saw the messages, but I didn't listen to them, not at first. But I missed you so much, that I figured hearing your voice, even if you were yelling at me for deserting you, would be worth it. But you didn't yell, except that one time," he sent her a crooked smile, eyes lighting up, "and even then, I loved the sound of your voice, loved how passionate you were.

"It was so easy to imagine you talking to me, and even when you didn't say anything, I could just listen to the sound of you breathing. I wanted to come back, just to get a glimpse of you, but I knew it was selfish, so I stopped myself." He pulled her into his embrace again, kissing the side of her neck before pulling away again. "Until you told me about the Kein case. And I realized that this was my one chance to come back and give you something that you needed, even if I couldn't see you. I thought it was better that way, that I couldn't hurt you if you didn't see me. I thought for a moment you were going to say something, that you had figured it out; but you didn't say anything and I wasn't sure. Maybe you _had_ figured it out and were just letting me come back when I was ready.

"I should have figured that you did know," He said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry; sorry that I was wrong, that my quick return _did _hurt you. And I'm sorry, that I left you for so long."

Juliet blinked against the tears that welled up in response to Shawn's words. "How did you know?"

"Your voice has become one of the most important things to me," he said with a shrug. "Anger, happiness, humor, sarcasm, pain…forced enthusiasm…I can tell what you're feeling just by listening." He ducked his head and she could see how much her pain had upset him. She should have known she would never be able to fool him.

He forced in a breath, meeting her gaze again. "Please, please forgive me."

She didn't even need to think about it. The pain that was ever present when he was missing had vanished the moment he had enveloped her in his arms. She placed her hands on his neck, leaning even closer to him as she spoke. "There is nothing to forgive. You came back; that's all that matters."

He shook his head, mouth turning down at the corners as his eyes dimmed. "No, Jules; I know that I hurt you, and I am so, so sorry."

This time it was her who placed a finger on his lips. "No Shawn. You have nothing to apologize for, absolutely nothing."

"Are you sure?" They were even closer, his lips brushing against hers as he asked.

"Positive." And with that, they closed the distance, their lips meeting in a sweet kiss. She had missed this, missed him. Her life hadn't been complete.

He pulled away, whispering in her ear, "Please, please tell me you know that it was David Naughton, not David Newton, from _An American Werewolf in London._"

Juliet threw her head back in laughter. When Shawn had left, it was like he had taken all of the good parts of life with him. Her own life had been dull and gray and she hadn't really laughed since he left. There was nothing _to_ laugh at.

But now…

It was fitting, really, that the sun was shining. Because Juliet's life had just burst into colors. Shawn pulled her in for another kiss, and Juliet couldn't help but notice his eyes. His beautiful, sparkling green eyes that were shining straight at her.


End file.
